TOPIC: I HATE MY LIFE

Hi New1inch - Life is not a problem to be solved, but rather a mystery to be lived.

I'll try to not get too carried away this time and write something a bit more constructive.

The world that you see around you is not the real world. Not that it doesn't exist - it exists - but you are seeing it through a screen of sleep. An unconsciousness is in between; you look at it, you interpret it in your own way; you are like a drunkard.

When you care too much what others think you are open to manipulation. When you care less what other people think you become a more honest person because you don't have to pretend so much.

"Rejection is a word, fear of a rejection is a feeling, overcoming fear of rejection is an action, and actions speak louder than words." -UNKNOWN

One of the most important things to understand about fear of being rejected is that it is driven by emotion. It is not thoughts that cause you to act this way, but rather the way that you feel.

If you have an inferiority complex chances are you feel more comfortable spending your time with people you feel aren't too accomplished or successful or good looking or confident themselves. You probably prefer being with somebody you feel is not going to judge you too harshly.

Fear of rejection is among the most potent and distressing of events that people experience. Emotional rejection is about the feeling you experience when not achieving something you desire. Fear of rejection is an irrational fear of not being accepted for who you are and is caused by lacking confidence and self-esteem.

POSSIBLE CAUSES:

- Physical condition that you believe makes you unattractive to others
- Being rejected as a child, abandoned or unloved
- Traumatic experience of rejection (emotional scar)
- Lacking healthy self-respect, sense of self-worth, positive self-esteem
- Early social isolation
- Never full-affirmed in families of origin

Fear of rejection can lead to co-dependence, clinginess, obsessive behaviour, jealousy, or angry behaviour. It can also make you reject others to avoid being rejected yourself.

FEAR OF REJECTION AS NEGATIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE:

If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you (or a part of you) or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as "popular," "married," "well-liked," "a leader," "wanting to be 'normal' and fit in", or the like, then threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety. Or you may view your life script as being married, having children, or having a number of close friends. To the degree that any of those expectations are threatened, and you cannot see how you can be happy without them, then you will experience anxiety.

How can you overcome fear of rejection due to threat to your self-image or life script? You must define yourself and your essence in a way that does not depend upon what others think. For example, if you define yourself as someone whose main goals are to seek happiness for yourself and others; treat others kindly, honestly, and assertively; be a person of integrity; and not worry about other's reactions to you, then meeting your primary goals will not be dependent upon what others think. Your happiness will be in your control, and you will feel much more secure.

On the other hand if you define yourself primarily as someone who must be loved and accepted by others, then your happiness will be in their control and you will always feel insecure and anxious at some deep level.

PRACTICE:

(1) Make a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself. (2) Examine items on that list which are "interpersonal" in nature. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once? Could you still love, respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you.

SOLUTIONS:

Replace loneliness thinking and self-depreciation thinking with positive thinking that makes you happier and more attractive to others. You do not need to be over dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others to feel good about yourself, your life, or to enjoy life and be happy.

Avoid real obstacles and/or irrational fears/beliefs.

- Do you want to improve your ability to form new relationships?
- Do you fear or dislike being alone?
- Do you feel lonely too often?
- Has a relationship ended and you want to feel better about it?
- Are you too worried about pleasing others?


REMEMBER THIS:

You are attractive to another person to the degree that that person perceives you as potentially contributing to their happiness. You are not responsible for their happiness, you are only being yourself and giving the gift of your presence and actions. You are only hoping these gifts will contribute to their happiness. Each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness.

Want to write more, but getting tired. PM me if you need more input such as "Relationship Intimacy Hierarchy", etc.

I don't have the exact same issues that you have, but I do know how you feel. We all have struggles, man. Think about this, though: given that you're having a hard time, and dealing with a rare condition, think of the strength it took you to make it this far. You're doing better than you think. I know you feel like giving up, but you have to remember that you do have the strength to keep going. Anyone who keeps up a PE routine and makes real gains shows, to me, potential for commitment to and engagement with a lot different worthwhile things. Really. It might sound silly but I followed your thread and I'm impressed with what you've been able to do. That kind of focus and passion will serve you well, whether it's in a career or with a woman.

I know it's easy to say, and you have a history with this particular woman, and I'm sure, very deep feelings for her, but she wasn't right for you. It was cruel of her to refuse sex with you, in my eyes. Not every woman is like that. Women aren't always pleasant, but it gets better than that, I can assure you. I think we're all here because we overrate the importance of our dicks, for various reasons. I've always had ED, and that has made me overly conscious about my Dick. In my more rational moments I know that it would never prevent a woman from falling for me, but nevertheless I still freak out about it. Women ultimately love confidence and self possession. It might sound crazy, but maybe you could turn it around, and joke and laugh about it? Just own it. Work on being the best man you can be, but have the humility and good humor to laugh at yourself and not wallow in pity. This is the main mistake I make, so I know how hard it is. I struggle with depression daily too, man, feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk in more depth.

It's a nice feeling to see how the swath of porn stars are on average only above average. I hope to instill some hope, horniness and confidence!

@New1inch. I have many soldier friends in Europe and USA.
Man you might feeling bad about the minors you mention and I am sorry for that. But these Guys have lost arms, legs, penis , eyes even part of thier face during Iraq war. And they are happy to be alife and they fight to get the best out of it.
Its your life, you can take it if u Desire, but its the only life u will live.
Your call, make the best out of it even if its by looking at nice trees or good food.
No one said it would be easy to live !!! but struggling makes you feel more alife

Jimmyjames is right about porn, the media and skewing things towards these perfect cocks.Its hard not to come out of it depressed.You are not in this alone and keep researching, there may be a solution one day.keep your hope alive.Be open about your condition to potential mates and you will find someone who likes you and your Dick.There are women who will find you hot in other ways, so won't care about it, could even like it.And totally agree with you on how annoying it is that there are fixes to so many problems, to do with the brain etc, complicated operations, yet when it comes to the penis, it seems there's not that many options.

I was in the middle of this post and my browser crashed! Doh.

The page is here
www.lpsg.com/118629-measured-porn-stars-119.html

I think you need an account to see that and there are links to "porn" but in this thread it's screen shots of women measuring porn stars. Most of them do it so insanely poorly it needs to be analyzed a little, so here are the surprising estimates:

Preston Parker: 6.5
Tommy Gunn: 6
Ramon: 7+
Sledge Hammer: 6-
Billy Glide: 6.5+
Criss Strokes: 6.5+
Johnny Sins: 6.5
Shane Diesel: 7.5-8
Shawn Rees: 6.5
Castro: 7+
James Deen: 6-6.5
Mark Ashley: 6.5-7
Kid Bengala: 7.5-7.75
Chris Charming: 7-
Charlie Mac: 8.5
Wesley Pipes: 8.5-

I don't know most of these names, but as you can see it's mostly upper 6's. These are guys featured in big dick/monster whatever porn. So... Next time you're watching one, keep your head in check on the numbers!

Thanks undecided, your example highlights how we don't need to be 'normal' or 'perfect' to be happy and have a fulfilling relationship. And how there are people out there who are right for us despite our perceived imperfections or shortfalls.

IMO New1inch you are better off to focus on your actions rather than other people's reactions. An important lesson about anxiety is that when we focus on external outcomes that are beyond our immediate control, we give up control of our emotions and begin to feel anxious and helpless. The same is true in meeting people, approaching people, talking to people, trying to help people, trying to entertain people, etc. If we focus on their evaluation or approval of us, spending time with us, giving back to us, or any other reaction outside our control, we increase our anxiety and helplessness.

It's also helpful to learn the difference between non-assertive behaviour ("I lose, you win" - passive, indirect, avoidance); aggressive behaviour ("I win, you lose" - dominating, controlling, selfish); and assertive behaviour ("win-win" - caring, calm, understanding, diplomatic, honest, but direct and firm). The most successful relationships are usually assertive-assertive ones.

New1inch, try to focus on approaching people and being friendly. Focus on your talking and listening, your openness and honesty, your assertiveness, and your thinking positive thoughts. You can control what you think and do. And the result will be that you are setting attainable goals that you have control over. Knowing that can give you peace.

Don't get stuck with the false reasoning that you will not find a girl that will enjoy your company and enjoy intimacy with you, until your 'situation' is resolved. Because this will most likely block you from actually meeting a 'right' person, a potentially good match.In the long run, you may not want to invest much energy in a relationship if you don't receive enough of what you want. However, in the short run, focus on your actions as ends in themselves to "practice your act" and be the kind of person in a relationship that you want to be. Eventually others will respond positively as you get better at it and as you approach the right people.

Anyway, enough of my incoherent ramblings. I hope this helps you in some way. I just want you to know that there are women out there is this world who will love and accept you as you are right now, and that you can be a happy and fulfilled person. And you can have this regardless of any perceived imperfection.

I agree 100% with DWD, New1inch never chose to have what he has he was born with it unlike people who want to join the military thats their choice. I know exactly how you feel New1inch and what you go through everyday some people really dont have a clue what it's like. I've suffered the last 15 years of my life because of my penis and havent experienced anything in life because of it, i'll be 30 in sept. Like new1inch I have a family who loves me which has helped me keep going. I dont have the same thing New1inch has but I had a bad botched circ which left me terrified/scared and ashamed to show girls/women and it completely fucked up the way I see myself. I dont see this tall handsome guy everyone says I am I just see botched circ. I've also had my best friend question if I was gay which i'm not and I have nothing against them. If I didnt have what I have i'd be married with kids just like dane is which some people that i know personally take for granted. New1inch we should chat sometime brother as I can relate to what you have been through and i'm also working like you on making my penis bigger and have made some decent gains i'm 100% dedicated to it.

nohidingstyle wrote: I'm not sure the policy on linking to other sites but recently I saw something on lpsg that really opened my mind. There is a measured porn stars thread, and recently a few people on there have been doing a lot of work to gather evidence of porn stars actual sizes and doing a convincing job of it. Some are truly 8-9.5, but most are 6.5-7.5. Even guys who say there like 10 are really 7ish. There is a whole industry around making men feel inadequate and porn is the linchpin.

No doubt, and girths are probably closer to 5.5" MSEG from some things I read (then again, no real proof, just speculation). No doubt camera tricks and inflated stats have lead to the belief that the average porn star is massive. He's just considerably larger than average. At least that's what I've gathered. Keyword, average porn star. Surely there are some real freaks out there, but they are just that, "freaks" - a word meant to imply their rarity.

As for what the rules say about linking other sites: it cannot be pornographic (as in show an Erect penis performing or being performed on) and cannot be commercial in nature either. I suspect the link to the lpsg thread is okay, just post it if you believe it doesn't blatantly break forum rules and I'll review it. Check out the link in my signature for added clarification.