TOPIC: I'm not sure how I can live like this.

Yeah, unfortunately that's true. But, the good thing is the DMSO treatment actually helps the Flaccid hang and to soften things up - and if I keep it up over time, like Red19, then maybe I'll have some improvement on those left nodules. The right side has to be stretched one way or another (night time erections, Foreskin tugging exercises, tape, etc...) but I guess I am just in for the long haul.

I've been in the long haul since 2009. Guys that had perfect dicks who got 2 sessions of PMMA back to back over a 4 month period have no idea of their luck. CHL - you have that big thread with all those nodules and issues and then they fixed them. How did that all happen? It seemed like those were pretty dense and difficult nodules to break up or camouflage.

Let's be 100% honest here, if we could stop obsessing over our penises by taking up hobbies like growing vegetables, then this forum wouldn't be necessary. Therapists all over the world would be out of business as well. I think CHL is right in suggesting you try and focus elsewhere, but realistically I'm not sure it's going to be possible to just "move on" as such. I think it's inevitable that you are going to thinking about your penis an awful lot in the coming months. So instead of trying not to, I'd personally try and think about things you can do to help speed your recovery, hence my suggestions above. CHL's advise is perfect if you think you can do it, but I think that's asking a hell of a lot.

I also found very gentle pumping a few weeks post surgery helped. When i say gentle I mean about 1-2 hg. 3 times a day for 20 mins. Not enough to fully engorge the penis, but enough to give a big Flaccid, that will last several hours. I can recommend some really cheap electrical pumps, that make the whole process really easy.

Basically I advocate anything the increases blood flow down there and relieves the tightness and rigidity one tends to experience for a few months after surgery.

Thanks a lot Hoddle. That's true I haven't lost "real" size. It's just so weird looking when it is erect...since there's no skin to support its expansion...basically (ironically) like I gave myself peyronies again (this time with a curve to the right). I just bought some of the ACV to mix with the DMSO today for the hard lumps on the left. I think I can use them without getting them near the scars. My flaccid hang is actually the same length on the left, but it's just all indented and creased on the right. I don't have a pic uploaded of that since the stitches came out of the flaccid state.

So yeah the surgery was dumb. My uro wanted to close that small hole, and I had no idea it would be this giant excision, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. They separate your face from your penis in the surgery room...so I couldn't see anything that was going on. Then, he told me in my post-op that he had to do that or it would be too "bunched up" since the right side is so much shorter than the left. I should've left that lump alone...no question. There was no need to take out that little bead of a lump...the upper open wound was all that should have ever been fixed. That would've been 0.75" gone and a small curve of the glans. Now the whole shaft curves.

I did rush to fix things in a way, but the nodules I have now are totally unchanged. It would've just been this way for the6 months that I had. With hindsight, I would have just (maybe) had a degloving surgery now and then had the nodules taken out from the inside. But, if my dermatologist didn't screw up the closure - it would've been over at that point...I think. I was so happy when that surgery was over...not knowing it wouldn't ever heal.

I am finding myself lashing out at *everyone* lately too. I mean, the surgeries are "over" and I am just so bitter... I had a job interview and two weeks went by and they never contacted me - and I wrote an email that was less than professional (though it wasn't nasty really...and they actually apologized for ignoring me for 2 weeks). Then, I just got a bill from my dermatologist for popping a zit for $120 and I was already told that this was a mistake and it would be written off...and the dumb bitch who answered the phone was like "you have a high deductible plan..." and I am like "No I do not - and this has nothing to do with that - they said there was no charge for popping a zit - and not a $120 one! You're lucky I don't sue your ass for leaving me with an open wound on my dick for 2 months and paying $2000 for the privilege!" So... yeah I am fucking losing it.

I think I should try DMSO and ACV on the hard left side lumps and just use mild traction on the shaft...which is literally 1.5" shorter than my old length... and even that is tight. My surgeon said I should wait till 3-4 weeks for more aggressive stretching. have you heard of this thing? www.foreskinrestore.com/dtr.html

I had a hard time fully understanding the t-tape setup but I can re-read your link more closely.

I just don't get why this all happened to me, in general. I mean, I guess I was too quick to try to fix things like Jewdub - but the lumps that were BAD this time, unlike the last times. And, six months later, they're barely better despite injections (e.g., the ones on the left) are still there... and so is the one under my shaft near my scrotum. So, I don't think it would've changed. I noticed in all subsequent posts, nobody has gotten this much 30% linnea safe in a follow-up round... so... maybe this was a mistake with me as an early linnea safe patient (I think they just got it in a month before I got there).

Thanks again. Yeah, I've felt over all of this on and off - but I've been so overmedicated I can't really reach that degree of depression at this point. It's hard to explain. I just feel like shit in general... and don't want to leave my home or talk to anyone. And if I talk to anyone, I mostly just want to yell at them.

I think hoddle10 thinks I live in the clouds, but in reality I'm pretty grounded. I don't have a ton of money to throw around for co-pays or see a psychologists, but if we look at our environment, for some thats a very familiar apartment or small room we spend 90% of our day in, the psychological anxiety that one can develop is often unhealthy when you stay in a room for 90% of your day. I've had horrible acid reflux more seriously during 2012-2013, but I compensate for all those PPI pills I could take by taking a strain of B. infantis probiotic daily with my vitamin D. Is it routine? yes. does it help me? yes. Theres often an indirect feedback loop that is occurring in our bodies that is not in homeostasis with everything else, a lack of sleep creates further anxiety, stomach irritability (lowed pH due to increased proton pump excitability caused by an increased wave of chemokines), whatever symptoms manifest as a result of poor rest patterns, bottom line they're unhealthy, and emotionally tolling and toxic to the person who is feeling them. My suggestions all required physical activity, tie on your hiking shoes, and see how you start to brainstorm and reason through your problems while you are increasing blood flow, improving cardiac output etc...all of this has an indirect influence on physical and mental health. I grow vegetables because I love agriculture, to each their own, but it keeps me active. Whatever physical activity you choose to do, will result in you meditating and productively brainstorming through your situation. This physical activity may help improve your sleep patterns, improved sleep patterns will decrease mental anxiety. Occupy your mind and body, and you won't need the expenditure of expensive co-pays or psychologists or nick knack stretcher devices.
In regards to my nodules, its been some years now, but I gave it time because I didn't have the money to have the shit removed. And in about a year, most of those oppressive nodules became less rigid, less deformed, the penis became more uniform and normal looking. Now, I'm very glad I acted the way that I did. I wish you good health and success my friend.

Restoration just leave your penis alone and occupy your mind with other things. Your poorly done penile enhancement resulted in penile anxiety, the anxiety resorted in Removal and reconstruction, now all that has needlessly affected your mental state, dwelling on it any further will result in depression or some other psychosis. Literally, don't be playing me dmso or any other bs, just leave your Dick alone and a year from now you'll be thanking this advice. Occupy your mind with other things, volunteer, grow vegetables, take up mountain hiking or desert trekking. Do something amigo, if you have to stretch then stretch, but you're just going to be finding more things you are unhappy with. And that is a loosing battle, theres a ton of other things that make you great.

Excellent advice ! Don't lose faith. The worst is definitely behind you.

Thanks - yeah lately I have been at home a lot just because my energy has been at a zero. There's no question I feel better if I work out (for a few weeks, not in the first time back) - my sleep isn't great due to some construction going on... and just, generally, not great...even w/ pills.

It's bizarre that the shit keeps piling up, though.

For example, today - I decided for the first time in ages to meet someone. I texted him I was running a few minutes late. He was some 44 year old queen, and when I got there, and I sat down (9 minutes late) - he goes "This isn't going to work out - I have to say I am furious right now. I waited here for half an hour [he was early]"

Anyway, I did not take that lying down. I ripped into him like you wouldn't believe. I said - who the fuck are you that you can't wait 9 minutes, when I even texted to say I was running late? If you are supposedly "making new friends" in this city, why would you care that much? You were early - that's on you - not me. You're "furious"? What kind of narcissistic cunt is "furious" over being made to wait 9 fucking minutes?

When he realized he poked the bear, he practically turned white and just said "im sorry, im sorry" lol...now I'm gonna text him his full name & job description saying "I'm out with my friends who said you are a narcissistic cunt. You picked the wrong one, bitch."

I had no intention of hooking up w/ him... just wanted to meet someone and see what happened. God forbid a queen like that would've seen my frankenpenis - he would've flipped out.

This is 6+ years of history. I lived with Peyronies for 4 years , trying everything before surgery because I was afraid to have surgery. Then, I had the surgery & PMMA 5 months after. In December, it will be 2 years after my first PMMA surgery...so in some ways, I feel worse off than I did when this all began. I just had a curve and a narrow area back then...no lumps or scars. The scars will fade. The lumps haven't changed in 6 months. I'm not sure about the skin. The curve might go away when the skin stretches...not sure if / how much.

Hey Restoration, maybe you don't want to send the text - you may end up feeling like it wasn't necessary in the morning and then you will be more tied to him because you will feel bad. I think your first round kind of made your point But I am glad you called him out - that is a shitty way to introduce yourself.

Thanks CHL.

In the last 6 months, I've become a little reclusive and gained a lot of weight. It's hard to undo that & try to do as you suggest... but the trajectory I am on isn't great. I discovered quite a bit on netflix and hulu, though.

I've been working from home 90% of the time, too - unless I have doctors' appointments anyway. I don't feel like dealing with anyone, and the phase of research study I am in now can be done anywhere (data analysis & write-up). My sleeping is shitty too lately.

theres a ton of other things that make you great.

It will be nice when I actually can believe that internally. I'm not saying I think my Dick is all that matters, but I wasn't someone with the greatest self esteem and body image to begin with. The penis enlargement gave me a rather sizable self esteem boost, and thus the problems gave me the direct opposite effect (x2).

I've been using DMSO for 2 days, and using Celacyn scar gel as I did before (on day ~11 post op from the upper excision). Hoddle, you're right about the psychological effect of just seeing it look better Flaccid, even if it has a long road ahead, Erect.

This pic is amazing - you can't really see either scar or the lumps on the left side. DMSO sort of made the left side less "tight" (that's the lumpy side, not the side with the scars). This happened the last time, right when I applied it.

In person, of course it's not this great - but it's nice to have this pic. It's hard to ignore the problem entirely. I mean, every time I pee - I am reminded of all this by seeing it hit the right edge of the toilet bowl (Even though I am standing in the middle).

I've been in your position a couple of times. In fact technically speaking I still am, as I hate people seeing my penis. I felt close to following a couple of my surgical fuck ups. You made the exact same mistakes I did, which was rushing to try and fix things so you could move on with you life as soon as possible and put this shit behind you. I could not believe it when I logged in the other day, after a week away and you'd had another surgery! If you follow jewdubs posts you'll see he did the same thing, though prefers to not to acknowledge it. Others have to learn from our mistakes. I know your surgeon told you it was absolutely the right thing to do to remove your nodules, but they never doubt their own opinions. The quick fix is rarely the right move in my experience and usually leads to further problems.

From experience time and patience really are your friends. My penis has come back from worse than yours and actually looks pretty normal. You won't have to stretch 1.5 years to get your length back. You haven't lost any length in real terms. Your penis is the same size it always was. The difference is that there are now some restrictions holding it back. All you've got to do is stretch the restrictive tissue. That is time consuming and inconvenient, but it's a job that will take months, not years. It's not like you have a scar capsule like the Elist patients. You'll have a bit of scarring from the Nodule Removal and you are short some skin, but with a good and consistent stretching regime, you should see fast progress. Remember you don't have to replace all the missing the skin. You just need to enough to accommodate your Erect length.

If I were you I'd stretch around the waste, attaching bungee chord to a ring so you can apply tension to the side of the penis that needs stretching. I'd do that during the day until you get your length back. At night I'd make a semi T-Tape and wear it whilst I sleep in order to stretch the skin. As you know, I also like to use DMSO. Wait several weeks before starting though and make sure your incisions have fully healed.

There is no point sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself, thinking about what you should have done differently, as that doesn't help you get out of this situation. Only proactive (no more Dr's or surgery) things can do that. Spend the next few weeks gathering everything you will need and prepare a stretching schedule that initially isn't too intense and allows your penis and skin to gradually adjust to being under tension, then increase both time and tension over the coming weeks. You could start using DMSO now. I've always found the medications that increase blood flow to the penis also seem to help with healing or at the very least make me feel better during the healing the process. Heat is also very useful for stretching, so look into heat sources that you can apply throughout the day. But, as I've already said, the main thing to do is to not dwell on the past and concentrate your thoughts on the things that can help you move forward.

These are also from today...though... with the dmso and castor oil on there. The left scar is 6 weeks old and the right scar is 11 days old...so the thickness should reduce over time. The Monocryl stitches inside don't even dissolve until 90-120 days....so it's nothing to worry about. I'm amazed at my left / upper scar to begin with. You can see the nodules on the left, here... ironically, more PMMA in that little gap would've helped this whole mess.

Do anyone know if Dr c does scrotal webbing